Rate how well you treat new moms.

If you have asked your co-worker if their baby is "good," this is you. The problem with this question is twofold. 1) It sounds bad. 2) If phrased more accurately ("Does your baby sleep well, or cry a lot"), you are asking an extremely personal question. Instead, ask whether the mother is enjoying motherhood, or whether motherhood is what they expected. You will get a far more interesting answer and avoid this common faux pas. (1 point)

If you have compulsively grabbed the hand of a strange baby in the grocery store to squeeze it and say hello, this is you. Babies are just starting to develop immune systems and a cold that barely affects your life could threaten theirs. Also, it can be frightening to have a stranger reach towards your baby. If you see a cute baby, smile at him, complement him, say hello - these things are wonderful - but don't touch. (5 points)

If you went to visit your friend and her 2 month old baby and blurted out "He looks like Donald Trump," this is you. You probably would not tell your friend that her legs were funny or that her ears were huge. Saying that to/about the baby is just as bad or worse. (10 points)

If you have told someone that their baby's perfection will not last, this is you. Don't put a cloud over a new parent's bliss. They will only resent you for it. Try this exercise instead: when you think about how quickly the baby stage ends, close your eyes and put yourself back in that time when your baby was small. Imagine the baby in your arms, and love flowing from you to him, and feel the smile forming on your face. (15 points)

a) If you have told a stranger in the park to put another sweater on her baby, this is you. Medical advice about dressing babies has changed in the last 20 years. We now know that babies have a hard time regulating their temperatures and should not be overdressed, especially on hot days. If you are concerned about a baby that actually looks cold, let the mother know what you see ("It looks like your baby's fingers are getting red from cold"). Moms want to know if there is a problem, we just don't like free advice. (15 points)

b) If you have given your niece unsolicited advice about what the baby should eat or when he should be weaned, this is you. This is a worse offense than the one above because the mom in your life cares about your opinion and is hurt that you do not respect hers, and because feeding a baby is a personal and emotionally charged issue. Medical knowledge about baby nutrition and immunity issues has developed quite a bit over the last 50 years, and the mom you are talking to is basing her decisions about the baby's diet on her instincts, on research and on conversations with her pediatrician. Unsolicited advice will not be taken, but it will irritate or hurt the feelings of the mother. (30 points)

c) If you have given your daughter unsolicited advice about where or how the baby should sleep, this is you. If you are concerned about the sleeping choices that your daughter is making, do your research before budding in. (30 points)

If you have told your daughter-in-law "you're spoiling him by letting him eat for so long," this is you. A lot of moms in the mid 1900s believed that it was possible to spoil infants by feeding them on demand and touching them often. Unfortunately for those moms and their children, this was unfounded and following this advice is actually harmful to the baby's emotional development. If the new mom in your life is touching their baby as much as possible and feeding them whenever the baby is hungry, rejoice in the love that they are able to express and share. (30 points)

If you have taken your grandson in your arms and then pulled his hand (or pacifier) out of his mouth, this is you. Babies learning to console themselves is great news for the parents. Old wives tales about thumb or finger sucking in infants causing funny teeth or other issues have turned out to be false. Foiling the babies' method of self-consolation constitutes being hurtful to the baby and undermines the parent's decision making authority. (30 points)

If you wanted to see if your friend's baby would laugh for you and started tossing him into the air, this is you. Shaking, tossing and doing other jerky things or things with dropping danger to babies is now understood to be dangerous. Sometimes parents bend these rules with their own child, but never do this with someone else's. (30 points)

If you've jokingly suggested giving something sour to a baby, this is you. It may be funny in South Park when they kick the cartoon baby, but it is not funny to a mother to have someone joke about making her baby unhappy. This seems like like a no-brainier but unfortunately it isn't for everyone. Joking about anything that would cause the baby to frown, start, grimace, make a "yuck" face, or cry is strictly off limits. If you have done this, should the mother trust you to be with her child? A mother's role is to protect a baby, and joking about or actually trying to do something hurtful to the baby evokes the 'momma bear' that would like to clobber you and protect her baby. (50 points)

If you have held a baby and then handed him to anyone besides the parents, this is you. The only person you should hand the baby to is the baby’s parents. Passing and scooping are basically the same thing; they take all control away from the mother. Don't pass, give the baby back. (75 points)

If you have taken a baby out of anyone's arms without getting permission, this is you. This is unacceptable. A mother's primary job is to protect her baby. Scooping takes all control away from her. The mother's natural reaction is rage and panic. (100 points)

No person besides a parent has a right to hold the baby; holding the baby is a privilege that the mother is granting you. Either offer to hold the baby, as in "Would you like me to hold the baby while you (fill in the blank)?" or request to hold the baby, as in "May I hold the baby?" In either case wait until you and the mother have been in the room together long enough to both be relaxed. Also, make it comfortable for the mother to say yes or no.

a) If you have unintentionally bumped, startled, or scared a baby, this is not you. Sometimes accidents happen. Apologize and move on. If the accident was preventable, make an effort to be more careful in the future. (0 or more points, depending on the situation)

b) If you have intentionally done anything to make a baby frown, start, grimace, make a "yuck" face, or cry, this is you. For example, have you given a baby a hot candy to see him make a yuck face? Have you put your icy hands on a baby's stomach in order to see his shocked expression? Anything that intentionally makes a baby frown, start, grimace, make a "yuck" face, or cry is hurtful behavior and is completely unacceptable. Some hurtful behavior is worse than others, but anything in this category is serious. If you have done this to anyone's baby you need to stop this behavior immediately, apologize to the parents and to the baby and hope that they can forgive you. (1000 points)

(This is referring to mildly emotionally hurtful activity only. If a parent suspects mental, physical or sexual abuse they are obligated to deal with it in a way that protects that baby from the abuser permanently (for instance, get the police involved).)

• 0 points = great job! You do not attack the momma bear
• 1- 15 points = you have made a well intentioned faux pas. Be mindful of this in the future, but also know that your infraction was minor.
• 20-30 points = you have made a faux pas, and have called the momma bear. Be mindful of this in the future, and consider apologizing to the mother.
• 50 points = you have performed a rude behavior. Check your humor when around new moms in the future.
• 75-100 points = you have committed a bad offense, and attacked the momma bear. Be mindful in the future, consider apologizing to the mother, and understand if you do not get the chance to hold the baby again soon.
• 1000 + points = you have committed a serious offense. Apologize to the mother and to the baby and accept any penalty.